So, here I am doing my first blog post. (gulp!) I’ve been variously anticipating, dreading, and hyperventilating about this since a good friend set up my blog about a month ago.
This all started with a conversation after a Saturday Cornerstone meeting where Friend suggested I should blog. My hefty ego immediately seized on this idea with a wide smile while my anxiety loudly shouted, “Run to the car, you fool!” Ego won that round, while anxiety is still whispering daily cautions in my ear. Consequently, I’ve had my first post looming in front of me for about 5 weeks, teasing me to open myself up to public praise and/or ridicule. And what’s thought and not said has me even more trepidatious!
And these are the very reasons I know I need to jump into this adventure, despite my reservations. I have lived most of my adult life in fear of what others would think of me and mostly unwittingly styled my persona to make sure to get the greatest approval numbers in all those polls that were done about me. “So, what do you think about the way Diane is running her life? And how about how she well meaningly (yet overbearingly) manages those around her? Would you vote for her again?” Yes, this is actually a version of the dialogue that would go on in my head, sad statement that it is.
The last 3 years in (co-dependency) recovery has taught me that the more I get out of my comfort zone, the more opportunity I have to grow personally. I’ve made a lot of strides in shedding the shackles of the unhealthy coping skills I developed as an adult to deal with various issues, but there is always room for reflection and growth. LOTS of room! Thus I delve into Unhaughty Thoughts, a play on words from my maiden name, but more so, a personal goal for how I want to think of myself. Feel free to comment as you see fit or think random unexpressed thoughts. That’s what I fear…and thus, that’s what is good for me!